Thoughts of Christmas

Thou Christmas has come and gone so many thoughts swirl around in my head, like, Jesus, family, and friends. Also many thoughts of sparkling lights, stores filled with anxious shoppers, and a small house I once thought was quite large.

This Christmas season I did something out of the ordinary, I visited the house my grandmother lived in, a house that once held the fondest memories, the best smells, and the feeling that no matter what was going on in the world, here, I felt safe.

I can't actually remember the last time I went there, but it doesn't hold those warm feelings for me anymore. My aunt, and my uncle both still live there, yet, I find no reason to make a seven mile trek to visit them. But because my Mom asked me to, I went this year. Everyone wanted to gather there, to visit siblings, and reconnect. I was not inclined to do those things, but yet, I was driven there by a need to be respectful of my mother's feelings. So I went.

The house is still the same, yet different. It's a small house, it's not ornate, or grand, yet it housed the best treasure of my childhood, my grandmother. The smells I remember are gone, her cooking fried chicken, or fresh baked cake. The same metal sink is still in the kitchen, a few changes have taken place, a new room or two have been added, yet, some of the same things were there, a couch my grandmother had, I am sure her quilts were put away somewhere, and pictures that were sitting around that have been there as long as I can remember.

Seeing my family was a bit awkward, since I rarely see most of them, and eating food not cooked by my grandmother was a bit strange. I sat there wondering how I could have thought this 3 or 4 room house could have been big to my small eyes? Yet, it was back then. I felt I couldn't ever find all the rooms, and explore all the contents. But this day, I saw how small the house was, a shell of what it once was. For all the reason for me being there were gone. My grandparents are dead, and the house doesn't hold the same sentiment as it once did. I find it difficult to go back there, find it difficult to face the warm memories of my youth, and that none of that warmness lingers there, only inside me.

So that was part of my Christmas experience this year. Though it was rough, I did it, and yet, I don't expect to go back there anytime soon. I don't have to be in the house to remember the fires that burned in the stove, the fresh cooked meals that were prepared lovingly by my Grannie's hands, or the hugs received as we left out the door. No, I can remember them right here where I sit, and sometimes I allow myself those memories, other times, it's too much to bear or endure.

This Christmas was a good one, we were blessed with enough food to fill our stomach, enough laughter to fill our hearts, and enough love to spill over til the next time we are together. I thank Jesus, for coming to earth, being a sacrifice for all, and for his promise to return. I hope some of those memories were with some of you as well. For, after all, He is the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas, Jesus.

What a Day can bring

Easter has come and gone, and you never know what a day will bring forth. It certainly was a challenge for me mainly, because I was sick. We had a house full of family along with some wonderful food, and my favorite, dessert ha ha.

I had a hard time enduring all the chatter, or even taking part in it due to my sinus's were acting up, and still are for that matter.

I heard my sister say that all three of my aunts hide their sweets from others, a trait that came from my grandpa.

I heard my brother tell about the racing that my uncle Don did way back in his day. And how no one could touch him. Many facts like, in the old house my uncle lived in, every corner was full of trophies from said races, most of which he won 1st or 2nd place. And my brother told the story about my uncle's wrecked race car and how it was buried up to the roof in my grandpa's field. Not too many people can say they could look at a race car sticking up out of the ground. No not many.

My uncle Ronald told the story about the first time he went to pick up my aunt for a date, how the door opened after he knocked, but no one was standing there when it was fully open.. needless to say, I am sure that was nearly enough to scare him to death, or make him not want to go in. I don't think my grandpa invited him in, and he said, my grandpa never spoke one single word to him that day. He was a man of few words, so you better listen closely when he did speak.

We had many stories that day, among those mentioned above. And I relish in them each time they are told, like it is my first time hearing them. I could hear them over and over and never tire of them.

Maybe on Mother's Day, we will hear some more.

One sad note, Tiffany was not able to be with us, but on a brighter note, Trista did... which made my day. Maybe next year Tiff can be with us.

And so, I sign off, with these stories churning round in my head. They are by far some of my favorite childhood memories.

Have a good day.

Selfish

A New Year is here. It is hard for me to imagine that we live in the year 2010. Reality has not set in yet. As I complained about Christmas, it has approached me, and past on by like a gentle breeze. This has been one of the Best Christmas's in a while and I will explain why; I didn't go out spending a lot of money. In fact I gave money to a few people and I bought one small present. I received a great deal more and I will continue to explain.

I didn't have a Christmas list, I didn't tell anyone of one single gift I wanted and to be honest, I didn't receive one single gift that was wrapped up in shiny paper or draped with bows or ribbons. What I did receive, the best gift I think of all; spending the day with family, more importantly making sure my family knows how much they mean to me. And for making friends that eat Christmas lunch with us feel like they are family. It was a great day, although nothing out of the ordinary occurred. What made it great was who I was with, the time that we spent, sharing the food, and the laughter, hugs and spread love.

And so, with that said, my title invokes such a different message, and I am certainly getting to that believe you me.

Selfish, what does this word mean? What sort of images arise in your minds when you hear this word? For me, it's someone so wrapped up in themselves that they can't see anyone else. It's someone that thinks they are the most important person on the planet, even though they are but a tiny dot in the humanity of this world in which we live. They are people who talk non stop about themselves, not giving anyone a chance to even respond.

I have encountered people such as this, and every time I do, I wonder in my own head, am I that way? Of course, we would never think that of ourselves, but really " are we?"

When you look at the image in the mirror, who is looking back at you?

Are you the kind of person who holds the door for others, who may help a stranger on the street? The kind of person who doesn't complain about long lines, or being in a rush? The kind of person who smiles at others even if you don't know them? Or are you the kind of person who walks around blindly never seeing the world in front of you? Who never knows the people that could impact your life because you are to wrapped up in yourself? Too wrapped up to see that people have needs, people need you, or that people actually might have feelings to?

Next time we look into the mirror, pay attention to who is looking back at you... and tell me, who do you see?

I have a short time to write and a lot on my mind. Got church in a while, and been to church twice today. Once for our regular service, and second to see a old family friend baptized and third for our regular evening service.

Thoughts crash through my mind like waves against the shore, and sometimes they rage, sometimes they are quiet, silently seeping up onto the beach. Sometimes my thoughts do not demand vocalization, but sometimes they do. Today, they do.

Why can't people just leave people alone? Why do they think that just because you are not married, or have kids that your life is not complete? Recently I was asked if I wanted to be " fixed up" with a good guy and my response was "No." But yet again here is the same person pushing for me to be "Fixed up." And my response is still "NO!" Can not a person be content exactly where they are? Surrounded by family, good friends, and people who make up your life? Why is there such a need or desire in people that pushes others to get married? I know there are people out there who are happily married, and I am very glad of it believe you me, I am. But for those of us who are not married, and are content with their lives, Just leave us alone for goodness sake.

Don't be a person who insist that everyone has to be paired up in marriage. Sometimes, Marriage is not for everyone. So just leave it alone okay?

Now, who I am referring to will never read this blog, but for those who might read it, and some of these musings describe you, STOP IT. Some people just want to be left alone to live the life they have, married or not, kids or not, and are content with the life they have.

Thank You, and please just let those of us be who are happy being single, and are really meant to be in the "Not Married Crowd."

How did we get here

I haven't been blogging much lately but many things have run through my mind. Thanksgiving is now over and I went shopping on Black Friday and survived. Amazing. Yet, I can't help but feel the pull of all the Christmas decorations around homes, and in stores, pulling me to my dreaded state of mind for this season.

I am not much into the commericalism of Christmas, I hate the hurried rush for everyone to get their decorations out and that it must be done right after Thanksgiving. I heard the other day from someone, " I have so much to put out, I need to get it up early in order to enjoy it." It is the quest for more that leads us to not enjoy what Christmas is meant for.. The birth of our Savior. Did he rush around Bethleham looking for the perfect gifts, I sorta doubt it, did he worry if he had all the current rave of decorative lights strung up around his home? It sounds sorta lame to me to even begin to place Jesus in that sort of Idealism.

He wasn't worried about gifts, he gave the greatest one of all.. Himself. He wasn't worried about lights, He is the brightest light in all the world. He didn't have all the shiny decorations from Christmas's past, or Christmas present placed about his home, He doesn't need them, He has all the stars in the sky, the moon to shine around him and illumminate his world.

Hence is my thinking, Why do we need all these decorations to celebrate the birth of Jesus?

I wonder sometimes, and I have no answer. Yet, I see the lights, the shiny stars and the moon shining up above, and I wonder, isn't this enough?

This year, can we try to celebrate the Real Reason for Christmas, and think for a moment, is this what our Savior would do?

I am ever grateful for his birth, that he loved me enough to come to earth as a babe, and to grow to manhood only to die at 33. Happy Birthday Jesus.

Looking Back and Facing Forward

This past week has been busy, by that I mean things have progressed rapidly past me. I am somehow standing in the middle of the road, looking backward at the curves and twisting pavement left behind. I have been pondering in my head and heart just what to do with my life.?? And those thoughts have turned me once again back to days gone by. I travel back to fifth grade, where I had a student teacher that loved for us to use our imaginations and produce stories. Stories that were about anything we wished, we had control of the topic. And though I am sure my fifth grade mind was not all that creative, I dove in head first, maybe even feet first, to see how fast I could get wet.

And now I fast forward a bit to my current vocation, being in the medical field of sorts, working in our local, and brand new hospital. Somehow, I took a few different paths, wasted a lot of years working hard physically in factories, and also putting my health at risk. So I am faced with the decision once more, am I staying in the medical field, or am I moving back to the love of my youth? And again I seem to be jumping feet first, a little more hesitant than I was in the fifth grade, but jumping none the less. I changed my concentration today from Physical Therapy Assistant to of all things, Journalism. Before I had the student teacher in fifth grade, I never thought much of writing. But after a few of my creative stories, she rapidly encouraged me to move on and continue to write more. Maybe I wasn't so bad after all?? lol. Maybe I was. ? But just the same, either or.. I have loved to write down things, feelings, etc ever since that year. I have kept journals, I have half heartily kept them. And even though most are very personal, I still keep them, and read them from time to time. And I look back to that little girl I once was and remember her zest for story telling, and I smile. Maybe I won't make a good writer, but ya know it really doesn't matter much, because published or not, it's a part of who I was, who I am, and who I am yet to be.

So watch out, let's hope I don't make a huge splash and flop.

I Could Be Napping...

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On this sunny, breezy Fall day, I could have taken a nap. I should be doing my homework, and I should have already gotten my ironing for the week finished. But, I helped my Gramps caulk our outside building, to keep out the rain and dampness, and I brought in my winter clothes while putting away my summer ones.
This weekend made me realize how old I am, I am not some twenty something young girl, who can go traipsing over rock and hill without pains. I don't actually know how many miles we hiked this past Saturday, but according to my right knee, a wee bit too long. Granted it has been a while since I have been hiking..and granted it has been a while since I climbed over rocks or through some rocks in one spot and my body is not as limber and giving as it once was. You would think that at forty you would still have that limberness, and stretchability in your body, well quite frankly, I don't. Much to my surprise, on the way back down the trail my right knee began to hurt, and each step became painful. But I trod on, just a wee bit slower than the rest of the group.
This was a outing for the teens in the church, and five adult ladies whose ages range from fifty something to thirty something, who would still like to think that they are not too old to be hiking in God's beautiful creation with young ladies who still can bend and twist without much pain. Ha ha.
Anyway, we have very few teens in our congregation, but one of the girls invited another girl, and we thought a few of the boys would show up. Though, I think we would have bitten off way much more than we could have chewed with them along. So here we go, walking along the trail, looking at the beautiful colors of the Fall leaves, the brilliant colors: orange, red, and yellow, the roaring sound of the water beside us, with it's nature ebb and flow. Our goal was to reach a place called the Laurel Falls, or the bottom of the falls, which seemed such an easy task. Little did we know that after hiking upward for what seemed five or six hours, in reality was only one and a half, we decided we had taken a wrong turn somewhere. So we stand perplexed about what to do next, standing there on a narrow path, and talking peaceably among ourselves about what to do next. One of the young girls did not have much experience hiking, and was for the most part, quite tired. The rest of us agreed that we should turn back, make arrangements to come back again and find out where our path led us astray. So turning to go back down, the hardest part of hiking in my opinion, we go back the way we came. And for protection purposes, the one young teen gal, Sue was much over joyed at the prospect of returning back to our parked cars. However, I wasn't the only one of the bunch who suffered injury, Sue, our feisty young teen, who began to sing Michael Jackson songs, and give it her best shot to dance like the singer, who recently has passed on, fell on rocks, on her knees and catching herself by her wrist. Ouch!
We made it back to the cars, and drove single file out of the park, each separating after reaching the main road, and going to do different things, one to pick up pizza's for the group, one to turn on the ovens at church to cook the cookies and stuff that was waiting, and one to go and get items that were forgotten .
We had every intention of having a quick hike, seeing beautiful waterfalls, and spending the afternoon cooking for our Pastor, and some of the elderly people in our church. It turned out to be something of a different nature, one because we had forgotten several item to cook with, and a certain person's cookies, that were supposed to harden and make nice oatmeal chocolate cookies, didn't turn out so well. But there was much fun during the hike, we acquired lots of pretty photos, we got to be together for an afternoon of joyful fellowship, and we did a good deed for those who received the baked goodies. All in all, it was good, and I would do it again, without the pain in the knee mind you, but I would rather be out living life, than sitting on the porch wishing I had.
Thank God for the beautiful scenery he places before us, and may we each decide to bask in it as often as we can.