Beauty in the simple things

A few weeks ago I was greeted by this glorious sunrise. I had seen many beautiful paintings by God but I always seem to forget to pack my camera to capture them. However, something told me this day, pack it and don't take it out again. I listened, and here is what  transpired.  We often take for granted a beautiful sunrise or sunset, but I always like to think God made these for me, and well for you to enjoy. Thank You God for your grandeur and beauty.

Short-Term Independence

Recently life at my house has changed. During December my dad underwent open heart surgery. He pulled through fine and has made great strides in his recovery. He is eighty, so, his recovery time is slower. However, my mom has had to adjust her schedule and learn to do a few things on her own. Years ago she learned how to pump gas, but, as my parents have purchased a new car last December, she didn't know exactly where the gas cap was located. On one of the occasions she had to drive home, pumping gas was a requirement, and she did just fine. It took my sister helping her but she still did fine. 

Among other things my mother has learned that writing checks is a necessity in paying bills. Granted my mom can write checks all day long if need be, but she hasn't been in charge of paying the bills in a few years. Another one of the things she excels at but was hesitant to do. 

Years ago, when my dad left our family my mom had to learn to become slightly independent, however, she did not like it very much. Many women in our society are not independent and there is nothing wrong with it but it does make things harder for these less than independent women when the man of the house leaves or suddenly dies. 

It was a learning experience for my mom and this time around is no different. She has learned where the gas cap release button is in the car and where the gas cap is. She has learned that in our society she has to be aware that paying at the pump is necessary. You either pay with your credit card, ATM card or just plain old fashion cash. You pay before you pump gas because thievery has become rampant in our society. Gas thieves are everywhere. Mom is not defenseless in anyway, however, learning these new things are good for her. One day, hopefully not in the near future, she will either be alone again or rely on one of us kids to take care of the normal every day things for her. I wouldn't mind to do that for my mom but I actually prefer for her to know how to do these things on her own. So I am in favor of slight independence for women, young and old alike. 

Women are sometimes overly independent in our society today. But women should be prepared to do things that their husbands normally do, like, pumping gas or writing checks to pay bills. My mom wouldn't do well with online banking but she does know how to work a computer and yes, they do have a slightly newer model. Any way back to my musing, women, get out there and learn how to do simple things that men may do for you every day. Learn that your car needs oil, gas and water to run properly. Learn where these chemicals go and why you need them. You don't need to know how to overhaul your engine or transmission but make yourself aware of the simple mechanics of your car. Routine check ups are required to keep your motor running just like routine check ups at a physicians office is required for our bodies to work properly. We and our cars are alike in many areas. Learn those simple but necessary things that your car needs to function everyday. Don't be bumfussled when a mechanic asks about your transmission or your engine. We should know simple things like how many cylinders does the car engine have? Is it a V6, V8 or small V4. Know what sort of transmission you have. Know what size tires and wheels you need when the old tires wear out. Learn all you can, Ladies. It's important. It may not interest you but it is still important. One day you may find yourself alone, whether by choice or by accident. Don't wait til that day to know how to take care of things. Learn Now. 

God leads those to us who are broken.

Most of my days are spent in a office of normal size, with normal things sitting on the desk. A computer, screen and printer. A fax machine, ample amount of paper to print things on or to send a fax with. We have organizers all around for the mixed up papers that often clutter the desk. My line of work doesn't get me posted on the front page of the paper, nor does it get any notification of grand design. I work for our local hospital and I work for our industry in our small community. What we do each day doesn't make print often if at all. It doesn't make a lot of money for our employer but thank God we are there.

Wednesday was a normal day just like any other, or it started out as such. However, within hours something would happen that would open my eyes to hurt and pain, not necessarily mine. We see many different walks of life come through our doors, we see the average Joe, we see those that have demons and addictions, we see those that are really just wondering how to pass a drug test when their lives are cluttered with drug use. We see those who are seeking help. And some of them actually are trying to get help.

Back to my story, a fellow was brought in because he was trying to get into a rehabilitation center for drug use. We have a contract with this place to draw blood and other tests. Most pass the test and are fine. A small percentage do not. It was this small percentage I happened to witness yesterday and it broke my heart to see such pain. I have no understanding of what it is like to be addicted to any drug that it controls everything I do or say. I have sympathy or empathy for those that experience this and I pray for them. But rarely do I see a person that so desperately seeks help and turned away. If you fail one test that they require, they can't take them into rehab. I saw such a person this week. On Wednesday we did the test. And as I often do I made small talk with the person on the other side of the needle that I must use to draw blood with. I recognized such a need in this person I began to pray after the patient had left my office. As I lay down for bed that night I prayed again. As I woke up the next day I prayed once more. Friday came and I was praying again. The patient came back for test results and the results were not good. This person was going to be turned away for treatment that he so desperately wanted and needed. As I stood there listening to one of the men from the facility I kept thinking to myself, why can't this guy get a break. Why can't he get totally clean. I felt a small voice in my heart speak to me, it said Go. I could not allow this man to leave our facility until I had spoken with him. I escorted the one guy back to the lobby and I walked over to this broken man, I sat down beside him and put my arm around his shoulders, as I sat there hugging this man, I told him I had been praying for him and that I would continue to pray for him. I also shared that he also needed to continue to pray and talk with God. To be strong.

I will never know if my words of comfort will make a difference in the life that was so broken or not. But I listened to the voice of God as He spoke to me as He often speaks with a small voice that nudges your heart. I hope beyond hopes that this man gets help. I hope he gets clean. and I hope that he looks to Jesus for strength to make it through another day sober and clean.

We never know what a day will bring forth. Sometimes we have happy stories, others are sad and some are inspiring and others break your heart as nothing else can. May we listen to that voice as it gently nudges our hearts the voice of God as he gently speaks to us. May we be a light to others living in darkness and may we serve others as God served on this earth. Each day brings hope to me, some, may not have that hope. I pray that the hope that lives in my heart will also be in the hearts that live with addictions or darkness. That is my story. It is one I won't forget for a while. I hope I never forget it.  I hope I always remember to listen to the still, small voice that speaks to my heart. Let me Go when  I am told.. simply to GO.

Thoughts of Christmas

Thou Christmas has come and gone so many thoughts swirl around in my head, like, Jesus, family, and friends. Also many thoughts of sparkling lights, stores filled with anxious shoppers, and a small house I once thought was quite large.

This Christmas season I did something out of the ordinary, I visited the house my grandmother lived in, a house that once held the fondest memories, the best smells, and the feeling that no matter what was going on in the world, here, I felt safe.

I can't actually remember the last time I went there, but it doesn't hold those warm feelings for me anymore. My aunt, and my uncle both still live there, yet, I find no reason to make a seven mile trek to visit them. But because my Mom asked me to, I went this year. Everyone wanted to gather there, to visit siblings, and reconnect. I was not inclined to do those things, but yet, I was driven there by a need to be respectful of my mother's feelings. So I went.

The house is still the same, yet different. It's a small house, it's not ornate, or grand, yet it housed the best treasure of my childhood, my grandmother. The smells I remember are gone, her cooking fried chicken, or fresh baked cake. The same metal sink is still in the kitchen, a few changes have taken place, a new room or two have been added, yet, some of the same things were there, a couch my grandmother had, I am sure her quilts were put away somewhere, and pictures that were sitting around that have been there as long as I can remember.

Seeing my family was a bit awkward, since I rarely see most of them, and eating food not cooked by my grandmother was a bit strange. I sat there wondering how I could have thought this 3 or 4 room house could have been big to my small eyes? Yet, it was back then. I felt I couldn't ever find all the rooms, and explore all the contents. But this day, I saw how small the house was, a shell of what it once was. For all the reason for me being there were gone. My grandparents are dead, and the house doesn't hold the same sentiment as it once did. I find it difficult to go back there, find it difficult to face the warm memories of my youth, and that none of that warmness lingers there, only inside me.

So that was part of my Christmas experience this year. Though it was rough, I did it, and yet, I don't expect to go back there anytime soon. I don't have to be in the house to remember the fires that burned in the stove, the fresh cooked meals that were prepared lovingly by my Grannie's hands, or the hugs received as we left out the door. No, I can remember them right here where I sit, and sometimes I allow myself those memories, other times, it's too much to bear or endure.

This Christmas was a good one, we were blessed with enough food to fill our stomach, enough laughter to fill our hearts, and enough love to spill over til the next time we are together. I thank Jesus, for coming to earth, being a sacrifice for all, and for his promise to return. I hope some of those memories were with some of you as well. For, after all, He is the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas, Jesus.

What a Day can bring

Easter has come and gone, and you never know what a day will bring forth. It certainly was a challenge for me mainly, because I was sick. We had a house full of family along with some wonderful food, and my favorite, dessert ha ha.

I had a hard time enduring all the chatter, or even taking part in it due to my sinus's were acting up, and still are for that matter.

I heard my sister say that all three of my aunts hide their sweets from others, a trait that came from my grandpa.

I heard my brother tell about the racing that my uncle Don did way back in his day. And how no one could touch him. Many facts like, in the old house my uncle lived in, every corner was full of trophies from said races, most of which he won 1st or 2nd place. And my brother told the story about my uncle's wrecked race car and how it was buried up to the roof in my grandpa's field. Not too many people can say they could look at a race car sticking up out of the ground. No not many.

My uncle Ronald told the story about the first time he went to pick up my aunt for a date, how the door opened after he knocked, but no one was standing there when it was fully open.. needless to say, I am sure that was nearly enough to scare him to death, or make him not want to go in. I don't think my grandpa invited him in, and he said, my grandpa never spoke one single word to him that day. He was a man of few words, so you better listen closely when he did speak.

We had many stories that day, among those mentioned above. And I relish in them each time they are told, like it is my first time hearing them. I could hear them over and over and never tire of them.

Maybe on Mother's Day, we will hear some more.

One sad note, Tiffany was not able to be with us, but on a brighter note, Trista did... which made my day. Maybe next year Tiff can be with us.

And so, I sign off, with these stories churning round in my head. They are by far some of my favorite childhood memories.

Have a good day.

Selfish

A New Year is here. It is hard for me to imagine that we live in the year 2010. Reality has not set in yet. As I complained about Christmas, it has approached me, and past on by like a gentle breeze. This has been one of the Best Christmas's in a while and I will explain why; I didn't go out spending a lot of money. In fact I gave money to a few people and I bought one small present. I received a great deal more and I will continue to explain.

I didn't have a Christmas list, I didn't tell anyone of one single gift I wanted and to be honest, I didn't receive one single gift that was wrapped up in shiny paper or draped with bows or ribbons. What I did receive, the best gift I think of all; spending the day with family, more importantly making sure my family knows how much they mean to me. And for making friends that eat Christmas lunch with us feel like they are family. It was a great day, although nothing out of the ordinary occurred. What made it great was who I was with, the time that we spent, sharing the food, and the laughter, hugs and spread love.

And so, with that said, my title invokes such a different message, and I am certainly getting to that believe you me.

Selfish, what does this word mean? What sort of images arise in your minds when you hear this word? For me, it's someone so wrapped up in themselves that they can't see anyone else. It's someone that thinks they are the most important person on the planet, even though they are but a tiny dot in the humanity of this world in which we live. They are people who talk non stop about themselves, not giving anyone a chance to even respond.

I have encountered people such as this, and every time I do, I wonder in my own head, am I that way? Of course, we would never think that of ourselves, but really " are we?"

When you look at the image in the mirror, who is looking back at you?

Are you the kind of person who holds the door for others, who may help a stranger on the street? The kind of person who doesn't complain about long lines, or being in a rush? The kind of person who smiles at others even if you don't know them? Or are you the kind of person who walks around blindly never seeing the world in front of you? Who never knows the people that could impact your life because you are to wrapped up in yourself? Too wrapped up to see that people have needs, people need you, or that people actually might have feelings to?

Next time we look into the mirror, pay attention to who is looking back at you... and tell me, who do you see?

I have a short time to write and a lot on my mind. Got church in a while, and been to church twice today. Once for our regular service, and second to see a old family friend baptized and third for our regular evening service.

Thoughts crash through my mind like waves against the shore, and sometimes they rage, sometimes they are quiet, silently seeping up onto the beach. Sometimes my thoughts do not demand vocalization, but sometimes they do. Today, they do.

Why can't people just leave people alone? Why do they think that just because you are not married, or have kids that your life is not complete? Recently I was asked if I wanted to be " fixed up" with a good guy and my response was "No." But yet again here is the same person pushing for me to be "Fixed up." And my response is still "NO!" Can not a person be content exactly where they are? Surrounded by family, good friends, and people who make up your life? Why is there such a need or desire in people that pushes others to get married? I know there are people out there who are happily married, and I am very glad of it believe you me, I am. But for those of us who are not married, and are content with their lives, Just leave us alone for goodness sake.

Don't be a person who insist that everyone has to be paired up in marriage. Sometimes, Marriage is not for everyone. So just leave it alone okay?

Now, who I am referring to will never read this blog, but for those who might read it, and some of these musings describe you, STOP IT. Some people just want to be left alone to live the life they have, married or not, kids or not, and are content with the life they have.

Thank You, and please just let those of us be who are happy being single, and are really meant to be in the "Not Married Crowd."